


Bakugou vs. the Koopalings

by Fragmentoftemptation



Category: Super Mario & Related Fandoms, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Angry Bakugou Katsuki, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Bakugou Katsuki is not good with kids, Bored during the quarantine, Fluff, Just For Fun!, Midoriya Izuku is a Ray of Sunshine, Rated Teen & up for Bakugou's potty mouth, The Koopalings - Freeform, They could have been on a date, but Deku needs money for All Might merch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23355328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fragmentoftemptation/pseuds/Fragmentoftemptation
Summary: Deku leaves Bakugou alone to baby-sit the Koopalings. Chaos ensues.
Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Bakugou vs. the Koopalings

**Author's Note:**

> My kids and I have been having a lot of fun during our quarantine, and I challenged them to draw a picture of Bakugou having to baby-sit the koopalings! It was so fun, that I decided to write out a little one-shot story based off of one of their pictures. This story is just for a bit of fun and amusement while we are all stuck at home. For anyone who is reading this because they are subscribed to me as a user based off of my other work, this is nothing like that! But I still hope you enjoy!

Bakugou hates kids.

He scowled at the sidewalk, dragging his feet.

Bakugou really hates those half-size little fuckers. 

“Come on, Kacchan,” Deku insisted, tugging him along down the sidewalk. “We have to be at their house by 4pm!”

“Calm down, nerd.” he sneered, “Those brats will be fine if we’re a few minutes late.” Bakugou was annoyed. He and Deku were supposed to go see a movie today, and the damn nerd had gotten called in to baby-sit at the last minute. Who the fuck needs a baby-sitter at 4pm on a Tuesday?

Who the fuck agrees to baby-sit at 4pm on a Tuesday?

His boyfriend, of course.

“You don’t understand!” Deku whined, “They can get a little crazy when no one is around!”

“The youngest is six,” Bakugou retorted, “How much trouble can they be? They’re old enough they shouldn’t even need a fucking baby-sitter!

“Kacchan!” Deku stamped his foot, yanking on his hand.

Bakugou rolled his eyes, reluctantly speeding up just a little. He glared at the houses lining the road. They were all bigger than any family could possibly need. Rich. Assholes.

“Where the fuck are we anyway?” he growled, interrupting the nerd from mumbling about some shit.

“You know where we are! We were here a few weeks ago for that school project. Todoroki lives just a few blocks that way.” Deku replied, only paying vague attention as he waved toward the other side of the street.

Of fucking course that half-n-half bastard would live down this way.

“Tch,” Bakugou grumbled.

“Oh, this is it!” Deku proclaimed, pointing at the next house. 

The house looked like a fucking castle. Like a literal castle, as if it belonged to the boss at the end of an old videogame. It was huge, ugly, and gray. Seriously?! They were in Japan! Who in the fuck lives in a castle? There were dark clouds over it, and it looked at least twice as gloomy as any other house on the block. Bakugou stopped, scowling at it. This was how horror movies started.

Why are we doing this again?” he growled as Deku turned to look at him. “We could be eating popcorn and twizzlers if it wasn’t for this shit.”

I need money, Kacchan,” Deku replied, pouting out his lower lip, “The limited edition All Might jacket releases on Friday! I still need another 300 yen. Please?” Bakugou tried to ignore Deku’s freaking adorable over-sized green eyes looking at him, or the cute freckles on his cheeks, or the way that he squeezed his hand and leaned in all freaking adorable and shit.

“Fuck.” He gave in. “Let’s get this over with.”

Deku beamed. And Bakugou absolutely, definitely did not think it was cute.

He followed his boyfriend down the walk to the wannabe Dracula’s Castle. It had a big wooden door with a large golden door-knocker. A door-knocker! Bakugou scowled at it as Deku leaned forward and grabbed it, knocking three times.

And no… he did not check out his boyfriend’s ass.

An agonizingly annoying few minutes passed before the door cracked open. And a literal goblin stood in the doorway. 

“Hey Bowser Jr.!” Deku greeted, as if that turtle-faced mother-fucker was the most normal thing in the world.

It grunted. Bakugou glared at the thing.

Deku pushed the door open, motioning for Bakugou to follow him in.

Bakugou stuck his hands in his pockets, walking in and mimicking Deku as they kicked off their shoes by the door. The gremlin, Bowser Jr., led them down the hall, and down a ridiculously enormous set of stone stairs to what Bakugou imagined could only be a dungeon. 

When they got to the bottom, they opened a set of ugly wooden doors and stepped into a kid’s playroom. Bakugou would have preferred the dungeon.

This place was a nightmare. It was painted in an obscene amount of horrendously brash colors, and the amount of ridiculously over-sized children’s toys in the room made it look like some kind of a circus style amusement park for obnoxious tweens. 

“Deku! Deku!” the chanting interrupted his survey of the place, and when he looked down he was horrified to discover a small army of the mutant children crowding around his boyfriend like he was a green Adonis. 

“H-Hey everyone,” Deku said, flashing the freaks one of his brilliant smiles. “I brought a friend today… This is Bakugou.”

“Ew,” one of the creatures squeaked.

“This guy looks like a douche!”

“WHY?!!”

Bakugou’s vision turned red. Who the fuck did these little monster’s think they were?

“Listen up you little heathens!” he screamed, but Deku stepped up, grabbing his jacket and turning Bakugou to face him. He glared at the freckled teen.

One of the bastards started crying.

“Kacchan! Stop screaming!” Deku insisted with an annoying calming gesture that made Bakugou kindof want to punch him in the face. They could be watching cars explode by now if it wasn’t for these little assholes. 

Deku pulled him over to the hideous rugrats.

“Shhh… Wendy, its ok.” Deku hushed the snot-nosed little brat.

“Everybody meet Kacchan! Kacchan, meet the Bowser kids. This is Bowser Jr.” Deku pointed out the snarly faced fucker who had opened the door. He had a hideous bib on, with orange hair and eyebrows. “This one is Wendy.” The only girl apparently. Definitely a spoiled princess with a pink bow, bead necklace, and lips that look like they had gotten stuck in a vacuum. “This is Morton.” This hellion didn’t even look like the same family! He was grey and white and had some kind of star-shaped birthmark and three thick black hairs that stuck up off of his head like dead straw. “This one is Roy.” This cretin looked like an asshole for sure, with a serious case of resting bitch face and pair of ugly pink sunglasses that looked like his sister was forcing him to play dress-up. “This is Ludwig.” That dude looked like a boy-band wanna-be with the poofiest damn blue hair all whooshed out like it was blowing in the fucking wind and a single, derpy front tooth sticking out of his mouth. “Over there is Iggy.” That little Teletubbies hair stuck up like an overgrown plant growing off his head, and his crazed eyes could only mean he hadn’t slept in a month, or there was a bottle of booze hidden somewhere in this playroom. “This is Larry.” The squirt had a cockscomb of blue hair over his head, but actually looked less horrible than the rest. “And then where is…” Deku started looking around the room… “Oh! Over on the monkey bars. That one is Lemmy.” Bakugou followed Deku’s finger to a little whelp with a rainbow mohawk, crazy eyes, and stripes on his cheek that looked like streaks of garish orange lipstick, hanging like a fucking turtle-monkey from the bars with one hand.

“What in the fuck are these things, Deku?” Bakugou asked as the little dwarfs scattered after their introductions, a series of shrieks echoing through the room. His mouth twisted. These little brutes put nails on a chalkboard to shame. 

Bakugou hated kids.

“Kacchan!” Deku pouted. “You can’t say things like that! They’re Americans.”

He growled as the little blue-haired fiend ran over and latched itself onto his leg like a fucking leech from the spawns of hell.

“Ah!” Deku mooned, his voice sounding all gushy and cute, “Look! Larry likes you.” 

Bakugou ground his teeth and clenched his hands into fists as a noise on the other side of the room caught his boyfriend’s attention. Deku turned, walking over to the play-place on the far side. 

Bakugou crouched down, glaring at the blue-haired monster. 

“Oi! Let go, you little devil!” he yelled, shaking his leg to get it off. But the little heathen clung on tighter and… “Agh! YOU FUCKER!” he screamed as the brute bit his leg. Bakugou started hopping, shaking his leg harder as the little princess came screaming up and punched him in the stomach.

“You be nice to my brother,” She squeaked in a horrible, high-pitched voice. Then she punched him in the balls.

“You fucker,” he growled, grunting with pain as he fell down to his knees. Plus side, ‘Larry’ was forced to let go of his leg for fear of being squished. 

Deku came hurrying back over, the partners-in-crime running off, singing happily, at the sight of his boyfriend. Bakugou hurried to stand up, pretending to brush off his pants. He was not about to let his boyfriend see these little Neanderthals get the best of him. He was Katsuki fucking Bakugou, after all. 

“I think they are hungry, Kacchan.” Deku said. “I am going to go up and make a quick lunch. Do you think you can keep an eye down here for a few minutes?”

“Eh? What?” Bakugou must have mis-heard him.

“I need to go make lunch. Can you watch the Koopalings?”

Bakugou’s eye twitched. 

Hell no.

“No. Absolutely not. I am not going to watch these fucking crotch-goblins.” Bakugou put his foot down. He was a hero. Not some magical umbrella-wielding nanny.

“Please, Kacchan…” Deku batted his eyes, grabbing onto Bakugou’s arms and leaning against him. Bakugou looked away. Three of the little shits were literally throwing the rainbow haired one around like a game of hot potato. 

“No.” He was not going to give in to that pouty lip this time. 

“Come on. Are you scared of a few kids?” Deku asked.

“WHAT?!” Bakugou felt his entire body go airborne for a moment as he flung himself around to glare at his boyfriend. Deku knew him better than anyone. Bakugou wasn’t scared of anything. Not anything! “I’m not fucking scared… I…” God. Those green eyes. He should have insisted on the movie. “Fine.” He spat through gritted teeth. 

“Thank you Kacchan!” Deku beamed, going up onto his tippy-toes to give Bakugou a quick kiss that absolutely did not make agreeing to this shit-show worth it. 

Deku disappeared out of the room, and Bakugou turned around, determined to take control. He surveyed his new kingdom. If Deku could do this, then he could too. He was probably ten times the baby-sitter that Deku was. A hundred times!

“Alright listen up you little Shitlins!” He screamed, loud enough that none of those twerps could even pretend not to hear him. “I am in charge from now on! That means you all need to be quiet and behave!” 

There. Foot down. Like that was hard. What did Deku know about—

Suddenly, a wild, careening toy block appeared from nowhere and hit Bakugou in the side of the head. The room went dead silent except for the dull thud as the block hit the floor beside his feet. Bakugou could feel little explosions popping across his palms as he stared at the offensive blue fucker. One of these little turds actually had the balls to pelt him with a fucking over-sized lego?!

“AAAGGGGHHHH!” He shrieked, blasting the block with an explosion. The pop echoed through the room, as the block burst into a bunch of tiny plastic shards at his feet. “WHO THE FUCK THREW THAT!” he screamed. 

But when he looked around, every single pint-sized monstrosity had disappeared. 

Where in the fuck did they go?

He stalked over to the play-place, getting down on his knees to scour the series of labyrinthine green tunnels that led over to it, trying to locate the little devils. He saw a movement out of the corner of his eye, flipping a quick 180 to catch the little fucker. Nothing! NOTHING!

“LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE HELLIONS! GET THE FUCK OUT HERE NOW!” 

Suddenly a series of giggles erupted from the other side of the playroom, like some horrific sound straight out of the exorcist. Bakugou’s face twisted, every muscle in his body twitching with rage.

Then, as if to spite the very fiber of his being, a hellacious chorus of honks emerged. And out of god-fucking-nowhere those little hobgoblins came screaming out on eight little smiley-face bicycles like some kind of motor-cycle gang from the depths of emoticon hell, their tiny little legs peddling for dear life. And they were headed straight at him.

He met eyes with the blue-haired little spawn that was leading them.

Bakugou shrieked as he blasted himself to the side, smashing his back into the pole of those awful fucking monkey bars, and knocking the wind out of himself. He rolled onto his hands and knees, gasping for breath as the little trolls sped past him with, cocky looks on those smug little faces.

Those little assholes!

Wait…

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven…

Where in the fuck was the last rebellious little imp?

Bakugou stood up, looking suspiciously in one direction, and then the other.

Suddenly something slammed into the back of his head. He grabbed onto the bar to catch his balance as stinky, grubby little paws wrapped around his head and chubby little legs wrapped around his neck. The little brat had launched itself off the slide straight at his head, and was now clinging for dear life, and consequently choking him in its desperation to stay put. 

“Get the fuck off me!” he screamed, grabbing blindly at the rascal’s limbs, and trying to shake his head back and forth. With no warning, one of the other hellions ran straight into his legs with their fucking bike, honking madly as Bakugou’s body careened to the floor. He tried to catch his balance, but managed to trip over the plastic wheeled death trap. He heard the little tot screaming as it let go of his head and rolled away just as Bakugou face-planted into the floor. 

A chorus of laughter peeled across the room. 

This. Fucking. Brood!

Bakugou jumped up, screaming angrily, and getting ready to blast all of these little fuckers to the other side of the room, when the door opened, and his boyfriends mop of green hair appeared. 

“Kacchan!” Deku yelled, setting the tray on the floor and running over. 

On cue, as if those little scallywags had rehearsed it, all eight of those little fuckers burst into tears.

“Shut the fuck up!” he screamed, explosions popping as Deku forced his arms down and pushed him back.

“It-its ok everyone!” he said, a slightly panicked look on his face as he surveyed the array of misplaced tunnels, cars littered all over from their heathen street-race, and the singed floor below him. Not to mention the abundance of crocodile tears streaming down those pudgy faces.

Deku sat him down on a half-sized fucking toy slide.

“Don’t move,” Deku scolded as he walked away. Bakugou scowled at him as he gathered up all eight of those little mutants and led them over to eat. Every one of those little brats was good as gold as Deku sat them down to eat and passed out sandwiches. 

Finally, the freckled teen came back over, holding out a sandwich like some kind of fucking olive branch. 

Bakugou’s stomach grumbled at the site, so he begrudgingly took it. He took a large bite, scowling at his boyfriend as he chewed.

“What the fuck took you so long?” he complained, not caring that he was talking with his mouth full.

“I was only gone for ten minutes, Kacchan,” Deku replied. Bakugou glared as Deku’s mouth twitched. That little asshole was trying not to laugh.

Fuck!

Bakugou really fucking hates kids!


End file.
